In 2021 I used Bumble to date around the world. I met the most amazing friends & men with superb success stories. While they all added up to be experiences of a lifetime…I still have not found the person of this lifetime. After getting back from Europe, I got into a “situationship” with my ex- boyfriend, who I also met on Bumble and wrote about in this LA Times Article. The relationship we co-created we labeled as our own genre, was actually rather sweet and special for both of us. Yet, for whatever reason, we couldn’t turn the corner and I chose to set off on another travel adventure exploring Bumble Travel Mode…yet again.
I quickly hit a bump when I thought that I really had not allowed myself to be fully single without emotional attachments since another ex boyfriend left for Singapore. I was getting really good at stacking heart break after heart break to forget who the original breaker of my heart really was…
Still marinating on that one.
In the meantime, it led me to this idea, that it was time to re visit dating myself. I thought it would be clever to use Bumble to do it!
What is dating yourself?
Dating yourself is the process of getting to know the version of who you are today by literally taking yourself on dates. This forces you to put thought into who you are, not only focusing on your ideal partner and what you want them to be. You are setting yourself up to ensure you are what you want to attract. What a better way to do that than to take yourself on dates.
Benefits of dating yourself
The benefit of dating yourself, you will start to honestly and objectively see the good and the “want to improve upons” relatively quickly. It is said, you need to love yourself before loving someone else. If this is true, loving yourself starts with learning what you like, dislike, and uncovering the deeper truths of what is and isn’t working within your inside and outside worlds. By making self love and self- care a priority, you will attract better matches for you when you are ready.
I found a way to date myself using Bumble as a tool to make me the perfect match for me, first.
Here is my ultimate guide for how to use Bumble to Date Yourself First.
Set up or Edit your Current Bumble profile
First, start by reflecting on your interest, essence and character traits. Do this by first, answering all the prompts, yes, all the prompts, writing your bio and choosing your photos.
Answer all the Prompts
The best thing I did was to start going through the prompts and answering them. By using them as an exercise in self discovery. We move so fast these days, it’s easy to skim and do a quick “pass” until you find the one or two you have an answer to. You owe it to yourself to sit down, read the crafted prompts to find out who you are. If you can’t answer every single prompt, maybe it’s time to take a dating pause.
Added benefits: You will have a lot more to talk about on dates, I guarantee you that!
Go get a piece of paper and get to work. You can worry about the best one that suits the new you after you date yourself first.
Writing Your Bio
After you answered the prompts, brain stormed a list of what makes you, you, your likes and dislikes, it’s time to write your bio. Again, we are doing this for you, not for someone else. Feel free to make this draft as long as it needs. Once you get it all cleared out, you’ll be able to select the proper quips to leave on your profile for future dates.
If you can not find at least five recent photos you like of yourself, it’s time to take new pictures. What a better way to capture authentic photos than on the date you are going to take yourself on? It’s crucial to find photos that make you feel confident and happy. It is also important to select photos that are truthful to who you are today. If you are struggling with your appearance and finding the desire to use filters, this is a great self reflection exercise to start finding a way to love and accept yourself even more.
Now that you are all set up, it’s time to…
Plan Your Perfect Solo Date(s)
It’s best to start with one and add as you go. You can use Bumble (feature” to get ideas in your area. Choose an activity you’ve always wanted to try or have missed doing. If there is a new restaurant in town you keep passing by, a concert, comedy show, sporting event, buy yourself a ticket and mark it in your calendar.
I started with taking myself out to dinner with a good book, getting ice cream and walking around the farmers market at the Grove, picking up a sandwich at my favorite Santa Monica Deli and driving down the PCH to stop at a perfect sunset spot to eat. My dates have evolved into full solo trips, yet, no matter where I am, I still find time to make conscious, planned activities for date night or day with me!
Getting Ready for Your Solo Date
Get ready just as you would for a date with someone else. Turn on your tunes, shop for a new outfit, do your hair and look as fabulous as you want for the most important person, you.
Just like any date you might start getting nervous and have some anxiety. Going out alone with this intention can be intimidating at first. It’s one thing to go out to dinner alone casually, or eat lunch alone on a lunch break, but when you are treating this like an actual date, you up the stakes, in a good way! Start learning your triggers and how to make yourself feel safe, calm and excited for this experience.
Enjoy Your Date
This is a great time to practice being present, mindful and loving to yourself. Allow yourself to immerse yourself into the experience you have selected. Order a delicious dish and take your time eating, smelling and tasting the flavors. Take time to watch and check in with yourself on how it makes you feel. Do you feel empowered or are you embarrassed? If you’re feeling unsure, that’s going to be an awesome starting point for things for you to work on.
Reflecting on the Date with Yourself
The next day, take some time to journal about your experience. What you liked and what you did not like. What made you uncomfortable and why? If we have a hard time being comfortable with ourselves on our own, it is going to be harder to find our best match.
Think about the date itself, did you enjoy it? Is there another activity you would like to try next? Maybe you did not like sitting at a table eating and found it boring. Well,this could signal two lessons for yourself. One, dinner dates are not your favorite and two the uncomfortably you felt being alone is coming through on your dates with someone else. These are all big wins to recognize that will bring you closer to loving yourself even more and being ready for a partner to enter.
The benefits to dating yourself with the help of Bumble is that the structure is already in place for you. It is easy and fun to use and you can take advantage of the app for prioritizing self discovery, self love and self care.
The most important relationship is the one we have with ourselves. The more we all work and cultivate that, the easier it is going to be to date each other. Take the time you have to go all in with you and eventually, you will attract the person who wants to be all in with you too.